Sunday, January 27, 2019

Mosiah, Chapter 14

1) Yea, even doth not Isaiah say, flipping ahead to chapter fifty-three in these plates I can't possibly be holding: Who is the subject of this chapter? Is it Jesus Christ? Nay, it is all of Israel represented in the third-person singular masculine, for that is the context I clearly established in the last chapter.

2) Yea, in chapter fifty-two I said that because Israel is in captivity we must flee and integrate ourselves among other nations. How did these passages come into the possession of the Nephites, who fled Jerusalem before the captivity even occurred? Why, it must have come from the Mulekites! Duh.

3) He, meaning Israel, is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief, and well he should be after the many genocides he hath committed in this land.

4) Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did forget that Jesus had not yet come at the time of this writing, and did not think twice about the use of the past tense.

5) And Israel, the nation, was wounded for our transgressions, it was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement that was upon it brought us peace, for with its stripes are we subdued.

6) All we, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord punished Israel. If I had created a bunch of people and every single one of them failed I wouldn't lay all the blame on them, but I am not the Lord.

7) Israel was oppressed, and afflicted, yet it opened not its mouth; the Lord brought it as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb so Israel failed to do jack shit to stand up for itself.

8) And the Lord was pretty happy to see that, so he took us from prison, and from judgment; and who protested? Not Israel.

9) For Israel was and had always been God's little bitch.

10) Yea, it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief and enjoyed every minute of it, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

11) For the Lord delighteth in people who are submissive, and obedient, and who do not think for themselves or exercise initiative.

12) Therefore the people shall exercise initiative to change the meaning of this entire chapter, that thereby they may be strong, and whole, and that it is not they but the Lord who is the little bitch, and a new world religion shall be born.