2 Nephi, Chapter 16

1) In the year that king Uzziah died, I had a crazy-ass dream. I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his robe was so long it filled the temple, like unto Rapunzel's hair, only longer, and I pitied the poor souls in the temple laundry room that day.

2) Above his head stood the seraphim, and each one had six wings; two came out of their ears, two from their ankles, and two came out of their shoulders blades. Oh, and they were flying, not standing. Oops.

3) And one cried unto another, and said: Holy, holy, holy shit! The Lord is burning one of us upon the altar of the temple!

4) And the posts of the door shook as they tried to escape, and the house was filled with smoke.

5) Then said I: Wo is unto me! for I am undone; because I said "Oh my God" once when I was younger, therefore I am next.

6) Then flew one of the seraphim unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar;

7) And he laid it upon my mouth, and said: Lo, this is a fair punishment. And my lips did begin to blister, and my skin slid down my chin like runny yolk, and my sin was purged.

8) And I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: Whom shall I send? Then I stepped back into the shadows.

9) And he said: You, Isaiah, go and tell this people - "Listen up!" But as in important side note, they're not going to.

10) Make the heart of this people fat, and shut their ears and eyes, lest they read history books, or listen to podcasts, and understand with their heart, and be deconverted and be healed. Seriously, that would not be good for us.

11) Then said I: Lord, how long? And he said: Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly destroyed;

12) And I said: Lord, I don't think I want to. That does not sound like a good idea at all.

13) But I had no choice, for he was infinitely more powerful than I. And while I did not succeed in shutting the eyes and ears of the world, I did manage to make their hearts fat. And many did undergo quadruple-bypass surgery, and they died upon the operating table. But in reality it was just a crazy-ass dream.