1) And Jacob was flustered, and decided to just read some more from Isaiah. Nevertheless, I, Jacob's scribe, did continue to write the words as they issued from his mouth, including all the little changes to the source text. Yea, thus saith the Lord unto me, Isaiah, have I put thee away, or have I let thee off the hook? Where is the bill of your mother's divorcement? If I were divorced, then ye would be free, for I, God, of perfect morality, would have left you and your heavenly mother in poverty, to fend for yourselves. But I have not divorced your mother. Instead I have put her away that she might have no influence on your lives, and it is not my fault, nay, for it is because of your iniquities that I have done this, and for your transgressions that ye may not see or talk to her.
2) Wherefore, have I no power to deliver her? Behold, at my rebuke I dry up the sea, I make their rivers a wilderness and their fish to stink because the waters are dried up, and they die because of thirst, and I do it just to pass the time, but when ye take my name in vain I just can't help but lock your mother alone in her room. What more can I do?
3) I clothe the heavens with blackness, and I make sackcloth their covering. I tell you about all this, for what good is it to hurt people if others don't learn about it?
4) The Lord God hath, and this is I, Isaiah, speaking now. heh, did you like that? I-Isaiah? I know, it only sounds awkward in English, which is a language that doth not yet exist, but the Lord hath given me the tongue of phony phuture phonology, which confoundeth my words and befuddleth the reader. Wherefore, when ye read my words ye cannot understand them, and it doth cause you to believe they are learned, but behold they are not.
5) The Lord God hath therefore made me better than you, therefore I can write things that are above your level of comprehension.
6) I gave my back to the critic, and my cheeks to the literary scholar. I hid not the fact that this was written several decades after Lehi left Jerusalem, and yet here it is.
7) For the Lord God will provide apologists, therefore I shall not be confounded, and those that believe in their words shall not be ashamed
8) And church headquarters is near, and they justify the apologists. Therefore, who will contend with them? Nobody, for none shall risk their reputation to challenge faith-based assertions, for the apologist will smite them with the strength of his mouth, and it is just not worth it.
9) The Lord God will help me write this gibberish. And all they who shall condemn me, behold, all they shall wax old as a garment, and the moth shall eat them up. But I, on the other hand, shall live forever. Go ahead, look me up o all ye doubters in the distant future.
10) Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that acteth because of this fear, and therefore walk in darkness and have no will or life of your own?
11) Behold all ye that kindle fire, that compass yourselves about with sparks, that walk in the light of authenticity, that think ye can be good people and live fulfilling lives on your own and be a force for change in the world without bowing down before my will. O all ye hippies and moral relativists, this shall ye have of mine hand - I shall fucking waste your ass.
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