1) And in that day, thirty-seven women shall take hold of one man, saying: We did not want him to be slain by the angel with the drawn sword, according to his own words; only let us continue to live with our current husbands or our neighbors might suspect something.
2) And they shall suspect correctly, but that shall not be the point. Some of the mistresses shall be old, some shall be fourteen, but a full third shall be teenagers, many of which are housemaids or foster daughters.
3) And it shall come to pass that they shall verily be mistresses, all of them, or rape victims, for their weddings shall not be legal, and shall not conform with the policies of the church, and shall not even conform with the revelation on polygamy in any way. And temple sealings shall not have been revealed yet.
4) And when Doctor Bennett shall have purged these mistresses of their unborn children in the midst thereof, and shall have washed away their bodies down the Mississippi, the evidence shall have disappeared.
5) And the Lord will command this practice in every dwelling-place of Utah Territory, and it shall wreak havok on gender equality, and the average age of a woman's first marriage shall plummet into the teens, and aged prophets shall marry mia-maids.
6) And they shall all speak positively about the practice, notwithstanding they all suffer immensely, for they are under covenant to build up the church and its practices, and the truth is not very useful.
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